By Aaron Wilson
The film I Can Only Imagine is nearing the end of its theatrical run having blown away financial expectations—earning more than $81 million at the box office.
Given the film’s success, our staff had some fun envisioning what would happen if other Christian songs were adapted into movies. In the process, we identified some spiritual tunes that just wouldn’t—or shouldn’t—work on film.
Enjoy our parody descriptions of CCM-inspired films we hope never see the light of day.
What if cartoons really could get saved?
Citing Space Jam as an early influence on his distinct brand of filmmaking, director Christopher Nolan plans to bring the campy song Cartoons to life in 2019.
“I think there’s something deep inside the human psyche that causes all of us to wonder how pop icons such as the Flintstones, Kermit the Frog, and Yogi Bear process the big questions of life,” Nolan says.
Chris Rice has signed on to provide exclusive vocal talents for each of the film’s 208 animated characters.
Like a song you can’t sing
In the spirit of The Hunt for Red October, Paramount Pictures is planning a new underwater adventure based on Rich Mullins’ song Screen Door on a Submarine.
When the crew quickly discovers the nautical vessel’s deadly design flaw, it’s a race against time.
An aging Sean Connery commandeers the vessel with an object lesson, saying, “I’m not gonna lie, boys; this is bad. But it does illustrate the theological truth that faith without works is useless.”
Is a lifetime, or a semester, too long to live as friends?
Friends won’t be friends forever if the new principal of Rocketown High has anything to do with it.
In a movie inspired by the classic Michael W. Smith song Friends, audiences will follow a group of teenagers who meet at a Christian camp and make a pact to change their school for Jesus.
But when classes start in the fall, students aren’t prepared for atheist principal Richard Hawking, who will do anything to split them up and cause them to deny their faith.
Kevin Sorbo stars in God’s Not Dead 4: Friends are Friends 4ever.
E.T. goes evangelistic
Saying he originally signed on thinking it was another chance to work on a film about extraterrestrials, Steven Spielberg has agreed to executive produce an adaptation of Take Me to Your Leader by the Newsboys.
Spielberg almost pulled out of the project when he learned the song was actually about evangelism, but he thought it would be a challenge to film Isabelle, a “belly dancer with a kleptomaniac’s restraint trying to steal Helena’s handbasket in a fast getaway.”
In the future, ‘there ain’t no disguising the truth’
Seeking to build on the success of its Hunger Games trilogy of movies set in a dystopian future, Lionsgate Entertainment Company is releasing a big-screen adaptation of the song Jesus Freak by dcTalk.
In 2099, religion and music have been outlawed. An oppressive global government keeps citizens controlled through fear and violence. But one young man starts a revolution with a simple act. He hijacks the TV signal and lifts up his T-shirt to reveal two simple words in a typical tattoo green: Jesus Saves.
The ensuing plot has been shrouded in mystery, with the studio revealing only the film’s cryptic tagline as a clue, “What will people do when they find out it’s true?”
Eastwood sets sights on ‘wild blue yonder’
Oscar-winning director Clint Eastwood is returning to his western roots with a big-screen adaptation of Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, The Great Adventure.
In addition to directing the film, Eastwood will also star in the role of a grizzly Chapman who’s been spotted in trailers uttering the words, “Saddle up your horses, boys. We’ve got a trail to blaze.”
Eastwood has teased a 20-paces standoff in the film between Chapman and a gun-slinging version of Michael W. “Go West, Young Man” Smith to once-and-for-all settle the debate on who was the top CCM male artist of the ’90s.
Deluge of Christian water references inspires new Abrams’ film
God may have promised to not flood the entire world again, but that won’t stop Hollywood from doing it. J.J. Abrams is slated to direct an apocalyptic action adventure movie starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson that sees the world’s population struggling to stay afloat when the rains just won’t stop.
Adams said he came up with the film’s plot when his Amazon Echo got stuck playing Christian songs that contain water references. A playlist of the film’s 50-song soundtrack has been leaked online containing:
- Flood by Jars of Clay
- Ocean Floor by Audio Adrenaline
- Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong UNITED
- Praise You In this Storm by Casting Crowns
- Bring the Rain by MercyMe
- Washed by the Water by Needtobreathe
- Rain Down by Delirious?
- And many more
Steven Curtis Chapman has agreed to produce the compilation album, saying, “Sink or swim, I’m diving in.”
AARON WILSON (@AaronBWilson26) is associate editor for Facts & Trends. Online editor Aaron Earls (@WardrobeDoor) and senior writer Bob Smietana (@BobSmietana) contributed to this post.
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