By Jesse Masson
Today, you have a problem in your church.
It’s not the new construction loan, or that brother Tyler vacated the “committee of coffee to-be-brewed-at-church” position so abruptly. I wish your biggest problem is that your church attendance is down.
The problem facing your church is pornography—and its harmful addiction.
A survey conducted by Barna Group revealed nearly two-thirds (64 percent) of self-identified Christian men view pornography at least monthly, and more than 1 in 10 (11 percent) say they consume it daily. This number is found to mirror secular demographics.
And given recent news of sexual scandals among high-profile Christian leaders, it’s easy to understand why churches are not immune from this destruction. My professional and personal experience leads me to believe these high percentages of porn use reported are unfortunately accurate.
Of course, this is a sin issue, which always carries negative ramifications. Additionally, sexual addictions present biological and mental health symptoms similar to other addictions. Despite denial from some mainstream sources, many secular sources (Inverse and Harvard) and religious sources (AddictionHope or Fight The New Drug) agree that porn addiction affects the brain’s neurological structures and processing—just like an addict struggling with drug or alcohol abuse.
Porn is pleasurable. This fact does not condone the behavior. Rather, it highlights that we are sexual beings. Although our sexuality is not our sole identity, we are sexual beings by God’s design. The brain interacts with porn as if receiving a reward.
The excitement causes the brain to dump neurochemicals into the bloodstream, which reinforces the pleasure response. I liken this “reward” to donuts versus fruit for my breakfast options.
The brain will actually start to crave this newly discovered pleasure attachment the next time one feels “down” after neurochemicals wear off.
Porn prohibits real attachment. The brain is tricked into believing that porn is the solution to the emotional void. Despite all the “feel good” neurochemicals at play, it bypasses an essential neurochemical: oxytocin.
Oxytocin is also known as the “bonding/attachment” hormone. Ironically, it can only be released in the brain when there is safe, loving, physical touch between two people.
This hormone serves the attachment need of an infant when a parent cuddles, or for the spouses who embrace physically. So by sufficing one’s sexual urges via porn use, the inability to connect emotionally causes the person to not value emotional connection.
A porn addict will also begin to “objectify” real humans, as his brain has already told him that people offer sexual pleasure—not emotional stability. It really is no wonder why the porn addict will act out in other sexual behaviors (masturbation, hardcore porn, pedophilia, affairs, etc.).
Porn punishes. The person who does awaken from the degradation of porn will inevitably be crippled from running away. The brain will insist that in order to cope with distress or “low” feelings, it must have more porn to “boost” the good hormones. If someone can move beyond that and somehow wrestle those demons (via accountability or a recovery program), the biggest hindrance still awaits at the door: shame.
I cannot tell you how much shame trails into my counseling office along with the person trying to escape the grips of porn (and it’s not only males.) The perpetual punishment of porn is the guilt of what was done, and the shame that is carried innately with any immorality. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am something wrong.”
I believe there is no greater tool of the devil to keep us from accepting the grace and redemption of Jesus Christ, than the use of our shame.
What can the church do? Treat it like any other sin issue: by loving that sinner, but hating the sin. It can be a frustrating road to recovery as you may see the porn addict stumble and relapse in sin, but the addiction is never the issue; it is only the symptom.
Listen graciously. The addict knows his or her struggles. Affirm the courage it takes to confess. Shame can be dismantled by listening without condemnation, showing love for the sinner.
Point to the gospel. I tell every client, “There is hope since Jesus is in the business of redeeming and renewing our holistic health.” Addictions are mere attempts to fill voids in life that only God’s glory will suffice.
Set up accountability. Good accountability is both structured and consistent. If you can’t be this for another person, refer to a counselor or an established program (see resources below).
Don’t alienate people. More people in your church struggle with this sin than you realize. So don’t make porn or other sexual addictions the “heinous sin” illustration in your sermon. If your church member hears this from the pulpit, he or she will never feel safe to reach out for help. The same applies to other sexual sins or struggles. Isolation kills.
If the sin leads to violating others, act. In light of recent sexual abuse and harassment scandals breaching the Christian community, this topic has rightly come into focus, since sexual sins often lead to further depravity and even criminal behavior.
As referenced earlier: the addict will feel the “need” to escalate porn use or other sexual behavior. Some cases, this can lead to carrying out abusive behaviors against others.
In these cases, don’t excuse or cover up sexual abuse—or even treat it like any other sin issue. Report to authorities, remove the person if they are in leadership, get them help, and walk them toward redemption.
Maintaining a position of leadership or influence does not serve the person struggling in sin, nor does it serve the church to put up with selfish indulgence just because it seems like “the Christian thing to do.”
Nobody likes admitting fault, but violations of others must be held accountable.
“He who conceals his transgression will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion.”—Proverbs 28:13
Sexual sin and its addiction is such a broad topic in today’s culture. Unfortunately, the church is impacted by it and must not delay any longer in meeting those needs from a healthy perspective that centers its approach around the gospel and implements practical steps for its people.
In addition to finding some reliable, godly accountability and seeking professional counseling, here are some resources I’ve found to be helpful to people who desire to escape the snares of sexual addiction:
- CovenantEyes.com
- FightTheNewDrug.org
- Local Celebrate Recovery groups
- Sex Addicts Anonymous (local support groups)
Related:
- Pornography: A Destructive ‘Escape Valve’ for People in Crisis
- Combatting the Porn Problem in Homes and Churches
JESSE MASSON (@JesseMasson) lives in Kansas City with his wife, Julie, and their three children. He works with MyCounselor.Online, a Christian counseling organization that offers in-office and video professional counseling.